No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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