also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize