I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
