I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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