he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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