I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
