I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
they need to just BURY HIM!
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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