If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize