i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
