Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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