I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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