Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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