so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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