Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
