I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
