I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
