Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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