can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
