Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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