Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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