Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
