Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
