I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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