I'm jealous of your bromance
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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