Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
