At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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