If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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