Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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