I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
