I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
