i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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