Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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