so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
