last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
