I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
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i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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