Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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