you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
