I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize