Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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