My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
