he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
