What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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