i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize