just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Come on in and take your pants off
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