thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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