I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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