i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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