so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
