If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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