# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
accomplished twins. life is a go
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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