Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
