I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
