I think my fart just growled at me.
Small penises have feelings too.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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