Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
