I just pynch a tree in the face
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
that may or may not have been my penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
