woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
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