to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
