Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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