You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
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I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
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Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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