yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
