One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
