It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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