im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
