My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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