I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
