I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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