It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
