i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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