hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Randomize
