T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
