kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
