if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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