I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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