and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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