Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I will die if light touches me.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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