i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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