he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
